Sometimes I think the world would be better if there was a zombie apocalypse.
When you haven’t ordered anything from Amazon but a package arrives with that insta-recognizable half smile logo.
Little-bursts-of-happiness start firing in your brain. Amazon! I have a package from Amazon!
You pick it up, all smiles, because the Amazon Fairies must know you’ve been a good girl.
But . . .
It’s not for you.
Crushing disappointment ensues, but you try to be brave, because, hey, you knew you didn’t have a package coming.
It still hurts, though.
Damn you, Amazon Fairies! Why couldn’t you have sent me something?!
You can’t imagine the agony – the despair! The wretchedness! – that has encumbered my poor, weary soul.
But it’s over now, my preciouses. Never shall we part again!
You know the day’s going to turn out terrible when you’re contemplating have a glass of wine with breakfast.
When you willingly stay longer at work because the wi-fi hasn’t been hooked up at your new house yet.
When you’re watching a movie and identify with the awkward, says-ridiculously-stupid-shit-all-the-time, never-quite-fits-in oddball of the group.
I decided to give up wine for Lent this year. I’m drinking bourbon instead.